In Bad Taste: Culinary Seductions

I noticed a TechCrunch post today on Culinary Seductions - The Guys Guide to Cooking for Girls. I watched all of the videos and only liked one of them starring a woman named Carolyn in a tube top. While Carolyn's tube top was gratuitous, I actually thought her salad recipe looked delicious. I didn't like the videos hosted by Dan and Pia.

To be honest, I just sort of find the design of this site offensive and the messaging extremely sexist. I know, I know, I'm not the target demographic...but is it possible that the web-savvy heterosexual male is not a leg-humping baboon? I guess it all depends on how we define seduction.

SEDUCTION
I've been around enough startup companies to see the way that geek men interact on a regular basis. Truth be told, some of you don't deserve to be with someone. I'm going to be brutally honest here. It isn't that women don't understand you. Most of the women you meet probably understand you all too well. They just don't like you. That being said, understanding that the autism rates are extremely high amongst programmers and tech-types I'm going to help you out here.

SHIT YOU SHOULD KNOW
Respect: The woman sitting across from you might have mad Lisp skills and she might know 3 non-computer based languages. Aim for intelligent consent rather than trying to trick her into having sex with you. Believe that your personality is a good one and maybe she will too. Pickup lines are for pigs and they only work when a woman thinks you are being sarcastic.

Originality: Unlike in The Game and Culinary Seduction, universal woman does not remove her panties when there are strawberries, champagne and chocolate on the counter. She also doesn't fall for red roses or a boom box over the head. These are clichés from movies and while you may have made a physical effort, you didn't make a mental one. Dig deeper. In every eighties movie the babe ends up with the geek with the shitty car. This is because originality is cooler and lasts longer than good clothes, hot hair or money. Pia went for Dan because he's an eccentric little dude. Maybe there's a Pia for you.

Stay Accessible: Learn to read a face. This is key and if you have been diagnosed with autism then you may have already done these exercises. A frown is not good. A wandering eye is not good. A blank stare is not good. You are getting too esoteric and forgetting that conversations involve 2 people. Shut up or be inclusive, you can turtle into your big melon when you're at home alone.

Alright, good luck.

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In Bad Taste: Culinary Seductions

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